Embracing My Desire
Embracing My Desire by Freddy Freeman
Memorial Day Weekend of last year, I had the opportunity to take a weekend workshop called “Embracing Desire” led by facilitator and Life Coach, Dave Allen of Coach4Men. The description of the program read:
Dive deeper in to exploring and understanding your desire. What do you really want? What turns you on? What creates the fire that calls for deep and juicy connection? Join us for a long weekend of exploring desire, naked in a circle of men. Through touch, experimentation and play we will use the power of Eros to assist one another in bringing into focus what you really want – that which makes you alive. In an environment of experimentation we can be curious, naked and connected on the path to greater pleasure and joy.
Based on this description, I had certain expectations. I thought it would be an opportunity to work through some specific sexual issues I have carried for some time, and it was, but in a much deeper and richer way than I expected.
I spent three days being not just naked in terms of being without clothing, but also in terms of being truly vulnerable and open about what drives my desires. What are my expectations, what am I afraid of, how do I show up when navigating what I want. Over the course of the weekend, I was able to really bond with the other men and explore owning what I want.
We did have a chance to feel playful, explore touch and fantasy, but Dave was very skillful at helping us maintain focus on what we were learning about ourselves through each other. He explained to us that we use erotic desires as a tool, because we get such immediate feedback from it, but that it’s really about bringing what we learn to our lives as a whole. Dave said, “Using erotic desire is useful in forming and practicing strategies and habits that support us in asking and getting what we want in the bedroom and in life.” He added with a big smile “And it can also be fun and pleasurable - which supports the learning and habit formation.”. In other words, the same way I approach asking for what I want in terms of sex and erotic life is how I will ask for what I want in my career, my relationships and other areas of my life.
Being a part of this workshop helped me to do exactly what the title says.
Dave was a very focused, loving and guiding presence for all of us. With his help and the help of the other men in the circle, I embraced what I want in my life and found more personal power to ask for it. I confronted my fears and stepped through insecurity to find new ways to deal with what I want.
Our erotic selves are so connected to other parts of ourselves that make up a whole. Dealing with my fantasies and negotiating boundaries around touch helped me to make that connection and to integrate all parts of myself. I believe it is a never ending life long process, but Embracing Desire helped me get to a new level in my personal growth.